While I’m trying to sleep on my early morning flight the day after the Bislett Games in Oslo, the Norwegian pilot speaks over the intercom, “vi opplever litt turbulens. Vennligst bli sittende og bukkled for tiden.” Given the violent shakes of the plane that have aided in my inability to sleep, I interpret this message as, “Its windy as fuck up here. Y’all need to buckle up in case we plummet.” I look down to ensure that I am fastened in. The thought of my demise doesn’t bring discomfort or any sort of nervousness. Instead, the child in me simply goes, “wooooaahhh,” with every bump and jolt of the aircraft as if I was on a ride at an amusement park.
Most times, when in the seeming presence of death, I wonder if I would be okay with it (as if I had a choice) if this were the moment. Any other day, I would say yes. For, I have loved, been loved, laughed a ton, and have had some successes. My family and friends know I love them and I’ve had a plethora of great life experiences. But, that morning, I felt otherwise. I was hoping that this wasn’t it. It couldn’t possibly be my last moment on Earth and for only one reason. The night before, I had competed terribly, and I simply couldn’t go out on that note. I would need to survive at least through one more competition. A good practice even!
Last weeks competition made me aware of a few things. As capable as I am of jumping 14.84m, I am equally capable of jumping 13.59m. Although I know I was not ready for the meet due to needing recovery/time off from a slight injury. It is a reminder that my body NEEDS training. There is no rolling out of bed and jumping 14.50s. There can’t be any slacking. No lacking. No dilly-dallying. The only reason I jumped 14.84m in the first place was through a lot of hard work. Of unaltered focus and determination. I worked for those consistent marks that followed. That can never let up.
From that pitiful performance the other night, I am encouraged. I am inspired and motivated to get back to practice. To get healthier and put in the work. I was never upset with how I did because I know that I am not defined by a single performance. Contrary to what the meet directors, spectators, and the pressures to be great may make you believe. I know better.
The season is long and I’m on my shit. Look out for me when it matters.
Thank you for your love. Thank you for your support. I love you.
#LiveHappii
Wow you are so authentic and so transparent! Not just criticizing yourself (as you state you are not defined by one performance) but you know what you need to do to continue to be the elite athlete that you are and have the corresponding results that you desire. Thanks for sharing your heart!