People find it curious as to why I find peace and strength in nudity. My friends are always so confused and they quickly squeal in embarrassment when I suggest that we go to a natural pool in the mountains to skinny dip, or I tell them stories about a time I went streaking by a cow farm.

And I get it. It’s weird. It can be uncomfortable. People are shy about being naked in public. And for many people, there is a religious aspect against showing your body in public spaces.

For me, it is not about vanity or attention, because I don’t care about either.

Growing up, I was molested. The first time was at a sleepover, I was eight and she was thirteen. The second was a girl two grades above me, she wanted to play doctor. The third was 5 years older than me, he laid his heavy body on top of mine and asked me, “Do you like that?” The last was in 8th grade, he would find me after church and try to force my head down to his crotch.

It happened so often that I thought it was normal. It wasn’t until I got to high school that I realized it should not be happening and that I could say no.

It took me a long time to recognize how those experiences affected me. It made me begin to think that my worth was solely based on my body and what others wanted from it. That my only value was in sexual acts. Through the years, other violent acts towards me aided and fed this thought. Until I felt like nothing more than vermin. Darkness befell my life.

What brought me back? Love. Then heartbreak. Then Love again. But differently, because it wasn’t coming from someone else.

For the first time, I began to give Love to myself. I faced my fears and my demons with love, compassion, and empathy. I said affirmations, I began meditation and did lots of reading. I began to allow myself the freedom to accept love, to be ME openly. That included freeing my body from the shackles of hyper-sexuality and desire.

Yes, I love the movement to free the nipple. But ultimately, I love the connection I feel to the earth when I am barefoot and naked. When my ego is silenced and my spirit is wide open; at peace with all the mistakes, the fears, the anxieties, and the doubts. For a moment, I am no longer human. I am spirit.

With all the love I own

Tori

#livehappii #livefree